They were ideas. Perfectly structured thoughts that had survived the crashing waves. They reflected what I had been and the person that I wanted to become. Thought. The kind that stays with you until you fall asleep and lingers sweetly when you wake.
They were hopes. Slightly sloppy but lovingly crafted. Combining the beauty of everything that I wish for and the potential that screams to me from each brick. They held love and sacrifice. They contained determination and achievement. A model for the future and the scrawled sketch of how I wanted it to be. Of how I wanted you.
They were words. Typed out letters that were based on classic composures turned inside out. Paragraphs of crafted rambles on life, love, and the occasional war. Sentences that leaked with the passion for life that I had somehow managed to lose. Letters that dripped with a sweetness that could only come from the optimism I had been sure was forever gone.
They were prayers. Recognition of the good that I lived each day. Understanding of the presence of this one and only Creator. Words that are whispered in every hour. Conversations that connected these two very separate worlds.
They were the things that I had forgotten. I hadn’t anticipated how easy it would be to find them again. How coming back is coming home. Anxiety leaves the moment you enter the door and familiarity conquers all doubts.
Could it really be this easy. People search for decades and find an empty chest buried under years of sand. Couples that will never meet spend lifetimes searching and end disappointed. And some people love twice. Again and again they find a way to fill that loneliness. How can it be that I found it so easily. How can it be that in a second the whole world can change. That a block later it’s clear to me that I’m supposed to be with you, and I’m not sure how I didn’t know it five minutes ago.
The most ridiculous thing is that all you have to do is ask. With a single sentence you can activate the powers of Hashgacha. HaShem changes the entire world in a second and ushers you into a new reality. You just have to ask.
This is it for me. I found what I had lost and I gained more than I had anticipated. We’re walking through the shadowed city and I find it to be a very certain possibility that I will marry you one day. But it doesn’t even matter, because I feel Him in every step and with every inhalation. I feel Him smiling and that’s all that I need.
Please pray. Just something small. Because I want this life for you. I want you to have this beauty. Whoever you are. Whatever your past. You silent companions that populated those lonely hours in the middle of the night. I wish you all the best and all the beauty that can be found in this world.
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4 comments:
Can't you just propose to him?
I've heard of things being done that way......
I think I'm going to let it play out. There's no rush. Something just happened and it was like he had a red arrow on his face. It was so obvious that we are meant to be together. I can't believe I ever considered anyone else.
The waiting is part of the miracle. There is so much blessing in all of the time we have.
where art thou?
I'm here.
Just thinking.
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